Whew!!!

Matthew is amazing!!  I've loved becoming a mom, though I will be the first one to say it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've heard many people say "Children will increase your prayer life". Well, I believe it and I'm living it right now. I find myself each morning getting a little teary (and by "a little teary" I mean balling my eyes out) and finding my way to the kitchen table and opening my Bible in order to find some nugget of wisdom to hold onto throughout the day. Each day God has been faithful to meet me there and give me something for me to remember throughout all the feedings, diaper changes, crying, uncertainty, and so on. In a book that my mom gave me there was a line that said "Focusing on His adequacies rather than our inadequacies brings confidence and security." That was what I needed to hear as I confessed to my mom yesterday that I lack confidence in being a mom, as she encouraged me I should as I have nothing else to compare it to. It has been a great joy though to grow through this and everytime my son looks back into my eyes gives me one more boost of energy I need to get through the day.

There have been many new things, but I wanted to mention our first doctors visit that we went to on Monday. Our doctor, Dr. Huitink, was amazing and so encouraging. Matthew weighed 6lb 15oz when we left the hospital and he had gained back to 7lb 4oz at the doctor appointment...5 oz!!!  The doctor was encouraging to say he only expects them to gain about 2-3oz so he is getting enough food and is doing well. There is always a concern as to if he is getting enough food and all that entails and he assured us we were doing everything well. While we were waiting for the doctor, Matthew dirtied his diaper and when we had him on the exam table he decided to pee, which went everywhere. I was pleased to know we'd packed everything we needed in the diaper bag.

The doctor also spoke to my needs and stated these crying spells and other "emotional swings" are normal and I have to give myself the permission to feel those but also to feel secure in what I'm doing for Matthew is good and adequate. This was good to hear and I'm working on that everyday. When I get tired, it gets harder for me to keep my emotions up, but through the support I've received it helps and makes it easier.

David went back to work on Tuesday and my mom has been staying with me throughout the days since then. She has been a true gift from God. It is hard sometimes to let someone else take care of your baby as I feel that I need to do everything but it has been just what I need for her to come help with laundry, organizing, changing Matthew, and watching him while I get a much needed nap. I know she has enjoyed getting to know her grandson as well. My dad took me out to lunch today to get me out of the house. We went to Uncle Dan's and it was good to have some father-daughter time and also to get out of the house...thanks Daddy for your time and concern for me.

Matthew seizes to amaze me and I'm excited about each new day. David has been an amazing husband and father as he is working to comfort me and spend time with his son. I am overwhelmed by his love and how he is willing to jump in and help in order for me to take care of myself and Matthew. It is also cute as David calls Matthew "honey"...super cute hearing him talk to him and sing to him when they are together.

Well, whew!!! Childhood is wild and crazy but I'm starting to get some type of consistency, at least an inconsitent consitency. Thank you for all the help and support of others, especially my parents. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. Welp, back to Matthew...he's stealing my heart some more.